Dim the Spotlight on… Audrey Hepburn [#4]

THIS IS A NEW SERIES WHICH CONSISTS OF ME LOOKING BACK AT ARTISTS I LOVE AND HAVE INFLUENCED ME THAT ARE UNFORTUNATELY NO LONGER ALIVE.

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If you don’t know who Audrey Hepburn is, then where were you all your life? She was dubbed the most beautiful woman year after year. And, well, look at her!

This is the person in question in the late 1950s. Now you recognise her? Perhaps you might know her from this photo then…

I have seen her most popular movie, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, which is where this photo is taken from, just last weekend and… wow. I can see why people loved her. Her energy, charisma and chemistry on camera with her costars was undeniable.

What some might not know, however, is that behind the cameras, she battled clinical depression and a speculated (therefore not diagnosed) eating disorder.

Let’s get on with it shall we?

Rough Upbringing

A teenage Hepburn bravely ran missions for the Dutch resistance and dramatically escaped from Nazi soldiers herding her off to a labor camp by hiding for a month in a rat-filled cellar, living on scraps.

Although she binged on Belgian chocolate as a youngster, her wartime near-starvation drove Audrey Hepburn to “resent” food: the beginnings, of an eating disorder that would affect the wafer-thin actress for the rest of her life.

“I decided to master food; I told myself I didn’t need it,” Hepburn said of her war years. “Of course, I took it to an extreme. I forced myself to eliminate the need for food.” For years after, she suffered survivor’s guilt, haunted by images of friends and neighbors being dragged off to die.

More on this later.

Love and Depression

While she went on to fame and an Oscar in such movies as “Roman Holiday” and “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” she was trailed by depression as a result of several miscarriages and her failed marriage to actor Mel Ferrer.

Also chronicled in the book Audrey Hepburn: An Intimate Portrait is her affair with a then-married William Holden, whom she dumped after finding out he had undergone a vasectomy and would never be able to provide her with children. Her second marriage to Italian psychiatrist, Dr. Andrea Mario Dotti, was short-lived, a victim of Dotti’s incessant philandering.

The ED that wasn’t?

One of the biggest sources for the rumor that Audrey Hepburn suffered from anorexia and possibly even depression is her youngest son, Luca Dotti’s, Audrey at Home: Memories of My Mother’s Kitchen (excellent book with personal insights, by the way). In this book, he states that for much of her life she was very underweight, weighing only 88lbs. He also said that she had very strange eating habits, that were part of her disorder.

Wolders, Audrey’s last partner before she died, totally dismisses the claim about Audrey being anorexic by saying that it is “absolute bullsh_t, she had a good metabolism.”

Even Audrey’s second ex-husband Dotti, a psychoanalyst who specializes in these types of eating disorders, agrees with Wolder by saying she always maintained a “healthy but disciplined diet, based on her youthful training as a ballet dancer.” – Source People Magazine 1994

Up until Luca Dotti’s book was released, most people thought her slender figure was due to her intense ballet training. Ballet dancers are usually slim and slender, and often have boyish figures. It was not unbelievable that this was a natural result of the training and exercise that Audrey Hepburn went through in order to become a dancer.

As said above, as a child, Audrey was known for her love of chocolate. She was said to have loved Belgium chocolate so much that her mother had the kitchen staff hide her favorite treat. Audrey herself was even known to have said that chocolate was her one and only true love. It is hard to believe that a child who loved chocolate so much would grow up to be naturally thin. As several people, have pointed out, at the very least Audrey Hepburn had a strange relationship with food. While there is little concrete evidence that she was anorexic, she certainly had some known strange behaviors when it came to what and when she ate.

Reasons that prove Hepburn was NOT anorexic

• Her closest family members, two sons, two ex-husbands, and last recent partner who spent time with Audrey the most claim that she was not anorexic
• Her close friends and people who she hung out with on the sets of movies claimed that she always ate pretty good portions and had a good appetite, especially for spaghetti
• She was a ballerina. In other words, she was an athlete. This is not just some hobby of hers, she trained to become a prima ballerina as her career
• She was very energetic and didn’t complain about having chronic fatigue, which a lot of anorexic people complain about having

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And that’s basically it!

Did Audrey Hepburn have an eating disorder? And why do you think so?

Let me know in the comments below 🙂 See you in the next one

XXX

My Experience with Body Confidence

I just have to say that this is in no way, shape or form body/fat/skinny shaming anyone. I myself was a victim of fat shaming growing up. However, being too fat is as dangerous as being too skinny. BUT if you love your body, no matter what shape or size it is, then good on you! I support that more than anything. On the other hand, though, if you’re not happy with your body, consult a doctor, or a psychologist, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Growing up, I was quite okay with my body shape – neither skinny or fat. I was an average eater (if it is such a thing), and played football and tag like my life depended on it. I was active, participated in scholastic sports’ events and sometimes even won medals (okay, so I only won two in my whole life, but let’s just say I was okay in sports).

Fast forward to the hardest phase anyone goes through: puberty. I mean, not everyone would say that time in their was awful, especially those flat-chested girls who miraculously grew a pair almost overnight (hands up). While the grow-a-pair part was good while it lasted (excessiveness is another extremity), other things started happening… acne and weight gain to name a few.

The acne part was what bothered me at first. I’d get envious of other girls with flawless faces. I sometimes applied foundation, but the bumps still showed. I was a mess. Sometimes, I would even go to the extreme extent as to want to scratch the flawlessees’ faces. Just so they would look similar to me.

As if acne wasn’t enough of a problem, in comes gaining weight. No longer active in sports due to the constant bullying, I gained weight. Being taller than other girls didn’t help either. I was called ‘Shrek’ and ‘Big Guy’. Yes, Big Guy. Because I loved sports. And I was ‘big’ compared to the rest of my peers. this is what started my love/hate relationship with my body.

I’d go days without eating anything, or if I did eat, it would be something as little as two crackers. But then, I’d go on an eating rampage, until I was too full to move a muscle. This went on from the age of 11 until 20, which is just last year.

This year, however, I learnt to accept my body.

You’d be asking, “How the heck did you manage that?”

Here’s my secret… there is none! I did what other people do when they feel this way: got my fat, sad peach off my comfy desk chair and started exercising. It cleared my mind off of the negativity I had going through my mind, and helped me focus on loving my body. Yoga and going to the gym also helped. And yes, there were fit, skinny girls at the gym I attended. But that didn’t stop me. No, sir!

You know what else helped? Celebrities like these…

“I’ve seen a lot of comments that say, ‘Eat a sandwich’ or ‘She looks sick.’ I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror being mean to myself. I’m not sick. I eat sandwiches. I’ve shamed myself for it. We shame each other online. We’re always too skinny or too fat or too tall or too short. It bothers me because I care so much about young girls.” – Emma Stone

“I’m constantly criticised for being too skinny. I’m trying to gain weight but my body won’t let it happen. What people don’t understand is that calling someone too skinny is the same as calling someone too fat, it’s not a nice feeling.” – Kendall Jenner

“If a girl wears a bathing suit, she is a ho and is body-shamed. If you don’t show your body, you’re a prude. You take pictures with a guy and you’re a ho; you take pictures with a girlfriend and you’re a lesbian. I don’t understand how girls can sit there and pick one another apart.” – Bella Thorne

And the Preach It Gurl Award goes to…

“It was just the kind of s**t that actresses have to go through. Somebody told me I was fat, that I was going to get fired if I didn’t lose a certain amount of weight. They brought in pictures of me where I was basically naked, and told me to use them as motivation for my diet. They thought that because of the way my career had gone, it wouldn’t still hurt me. ‘If anybody even tries to whisper the word “diet”, I’m like, “You can go f*** yourself.” – (Queen) Jennifer Lawrence

So if you ever feel down about your body, or find it funny to call others for the way they look, (quoting Phil Collins) STOP. THINK TWICE. Your words can hurt yourself, but most of all how others perceive you.

Do NOT let anyone tell you how you should and shouldn’t look. Be proud of you. You are unique. There is no one like you. No one can do you better than you.

Love yourself. Love your body.