An Open Letter To The People Who Left Me Behind

Dear people who left me behind,

Thank you.

It is not a sarcastic thank you, as you might be thinking. I actually mean it. Thank you.

Thank you for cutting me out of your life.

Thank you for your short-lasting friendship. It taught me a lot. A lot more than I anticipated really.

Thank you for giving me light and guidance.

Thank you for listening to me, or at least acknowledge my presence in your life if you never bothered listening.

Here’s why I’m thanking you…

Because you have shown me what real friendship is, and who my real friends are. You have also given me the strength to pick myself up and actually listen to myself and my body. You taught me that friendships come and go. It breaks my heart that you cannot witness how stronger I have become since we last talked. It’s probably for the best though, you know.

Overall, I’m doing fine in case you were wondering. And I hope you are too. Because I genuinely care about you, and you know it. In our short friendship, you knew me more than I knew myself. I poured my heart out to you in my darkest of times. We also shared some good memories too! I think of those good times and cherish them even though you are no longer around to reenact them.

I have to say maybe it is for the best because I am doing wonderful on my own. I hope you are doing well and are happy with everything you have in life. But, our lives are on their own paths now, which may never cross again, and this is my letter to you saying I am just fine.

Peace and Love,

The person you left behind.

23 Things I Learned in 23 Years

So it’s my birthday tomorrow! And I am turning 23 years old (or… young…), and I had quite the eventful life. To celebrate my first birthday blogging, I decided to post everything in my favourite colour, purple, throughout the month of February, and dedicate this post with twenty-three things I’ve learned every year of my life, in no particular order…

1.

 

You are your biggest critic. Cut yourself some slack every now and then.

2.

Say yes more. It’ll prevent those ‘I never do anything fun’ feelings. Even if things turn tits up, at least you’ll have a story to tell!

3.

Don’t take texting too seriously. One emoji too many means nothing.

4.

Remember that you don’t know everything about a person’s life. Everyone has their own battles. Don’t jump to conclusions. Be sensitive.

5.

Scream-singing alone in your car can fix a lot of things. So can a long shower… while scream-singing alone. Can you tell I like scream-singing alone?

6.

Sometimes you need to let go in order to be happy. Not necessarily forgive or agree, but accept that you can’t do anything about it. Move on.

7.

You are capable of so much more than you think you are.

8.

Some things aren’t worth getting upset over. Don’t ruin something good over something that will be irrelevant in an hour.

 

9.

Your friends will talk about you and get annoyed with you. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. It means that they care more than you think.

10.

Things are cool, but experiences are cooler. Spend your money wisely. (But treat yourself sometimes too. But not too excessively.)

11.

Sometimes good people do bad things. You can’t expect a person to be anything more than just a person. Nobody is perfect.

12.

You have to work for what you want. Both big and small, nothing is going to change unless you take action. Happiness is in your hands.

13.

Different doesn’t mean better or worse. It means different.

14.

You don’t have to please everyone. And don’t try so hard to do so, because people will notice. Say no when you have to. Take care of yourself.

15.

Surround yourself with people who build you up and make you want to be better.

16.

 

Keep at least €200 in your savings account for emergencies. Because, you know… emergencies happen.

17.

If you feel like something needs to be said, say it. It’s better to go that route than to let things eat away at your mind.

18.

There is always more to learn. You will never know everything, and you are never done growing.

19.

Stand up for yourself. The way you let others treat you reflects how you view yourself. Be strong. Don’t let people treat you like shit.

20.

Compliment others at least three times a day. It feels nice to be nice. Treat others as you would want to be treated.

21.

Make sure that the important people in your life know that they are important. Make sacrifices for them, check in on them.

22.

Accept that sometimes bad things happen for no reason at all. You can’t help it. All you can do is keep the ball rolling.

23.

Take things a day at a time. Don’t stress about the future or how things will turn out years down the road. Focus on the now.

“Deleting” The Past

No, no. I’m not talking about pressing the ‘Delete’ button on my old texts or Facebook posts. Or that I am somehow and miraculously going to erase my past…

Well it kinda is. But it’s far more different than that.

It’s my things.

So clothes, books, accessories, trinkets and things like those fall under this category. I never admitted this to anyone, but I was once an impulse buyer. Not of the expensive things, just things. Why? I think it’s because I thought if I had those things they might make me somehow cooler. Or more “myself”.

And before you say that I’m trying to be minimalistic like the vast majority of the bloggers and vloggers out there, let me stop you there. I have so many prized possessions – from books to merchandise and souvenirs – that I think I’d be the worst minimalistic Minimalist to ever walk this Earth.

Over this first year of recovery, I did multiple declutters… “friends”, emails, documents, social media, apps, photos, and much more. Now it’s time to do a physical declutter. So I’ll be selling my things on Depop. I’d done so much donating over the past few years, and right now I’m having some financial issues.

My goal is to sell my things and make just enough money to buy myself a camera for the blog. Now some answers to the questions you might be thinking of asking:

1. Yes. I do have a job. I’m a TA.
2. No, I no longer spend as much as I used to.
3. Yes, I do know how to save money, thank you very much. It just never seems enough to get me by the month.
4. My monthly fees include phone bills, doctor appointments, medications, 3-5 card lessons, transportation card, resources for work, photocopies for work, and many little bits and bobs that can easily amount to a lot of money.
5. I need the camera for both my blog and travelling.
6. No, I don’t have time for a side job, expect if it involves writing, because if so I’m up for it!
7. Are you thinking about me setting up some charity case for my camera? Because I would… but then again, who would donate for a camera for a blogger whose followers don’t exceed a three-digit number?

So as a thaks for anyone who follows my blog, I will be giving a 10% discount if they want to buy something from Depop. How? Simply let me know your favourite post and/or leave a message with BLOGLOVE10 and you’re set!

So that’s it from me, see you on the flip side!

PS. I was also thinking of setting up requests for proofreading things and maybe writing pieces for a small amount of money? What do you think? Do I need a degree to proofread something? Let me know as I’m clueless about this.

A Letter to my 30-Year-Old Self

Dear 30-Year Old Me,

… Hi, hey, hello! I sure hope I’m not as awkward in 2024 as I am in 2017 when this is written. This letter itself is awkward because, let’s face it, we both know that… I mean I know… I meaning my person not the past self… so including my future self…

Okay. Back to the main point.

2024… I have a lot of questions about this year. Like who the President of Malta is, if Paul McCartney is still alive and performing, if Betty White was cloned, if the war in Syria came to an end in a peaceful way… you know, normal stuff for us.

I always wonder, year to year, if the world has improved to the better or if it is getting worse. Remember when Trump was elected President of the United States? How we shook our heads and felt sorry for the population? Ah, fun times. And how–

I think I should stop, because this letter should be about me–I mean us… future me… whatever you get the jist–and not what is going on with the world.

What does it feel like to close the 20s chapter and start a new one named 30s? Is it as bad as people make it? As in, we’re not getting any younger now… I hope you’re not scared of this transition. But not to worry, future self, you’ll have me. Every step of the way.

Even though now, at 22, I’m still not sure of who I am, what my favourite food is, what character traits you changed and what remained the same. But one thing’s for sure… I will be you.

And I will be so damned proud of that. Always and forever.

Don’t you dare think otherwise. If you want to improve yourself, then just d it! I’m 100% in support of that, but don’t you ever try and change yourself for anything. Or anyone. Remember how that turned out? We don’t want The Incident to repeat itself, right?

I hope you’ve embarked on some type of adventure, solo and not. Have you travelled back to Paris yet? I hope you still love France and its culture! I hope also that you’ve picked up French again and became fluent after over 15 years of not speaking it! If you’re not, try Spanish… me gusta *wink wink*

Wherever you are in life right now, be it your home country or some other, I only hope for one thing: that you are HAPPY. I hope you still believe that life has so much to offer, and that it is beautiful and cherishable. Here’s to praying that nothing in the next 8 years will change this. If you somehow get distracted in any way, I hope you find the right way out, with the help of your friends and family… and maybe your boyfriend/fiance/husband?

Speaking of him, I hope you’re still together and having as much fun as you had during your first year of your relationship! I wonder if you adopted two dogs and had a child along the way… And are you still BFFs with Marty? That would mean you’d spent more than half your life as friends. That is incredible!

But if some people come and leave, that’s fine too. None of them owes you anything.

Nothing really wrong with people leaving. Things happen for a reason. And remember that people come and go. Relax. Inhale. 1. 2. 3. Exhale. 1.2. 3. And repeat.

And what about your goals? I hope The Goal (the big one) has been achieved, or at least is in the process of being. But if you didn’t, I won’t be the least disappointed. Because what matters is that you tried your best and fought your way to achieve said Goal. You WILL, however, get to it in time, because it was lifelong dream since you were a little girl.

I hope that no matter where and what you are, I want you to always surround yourself with family, friends and past memories, both good and bad. Because they are the reasons why I am 30-year-old you. Live through each memory with a proud smile worn on your face, and grow into the person past you would dream of becoming.

With so much love sent to you from 2017,
Your 22 (almost 23!)-year-old self

PS. I hope you’ve kept all your Beatles memorabilia, because otherwise I would have to build a time machine, travel to 2024 and kick your ass… or would that me kicking my ass?

2016: A Summary

2016 was probably the most eventful year of my life…

Starting from the downs…

I was in and out of hospital for a whole week due to depression and severe anxiety.

I lost the people I considered my family during that time.

I was arrogant and hard-headed towards my family. This cost me a lot.

I had such low self-esteem I was unable to get out of bed, and would sleep at 5pm, waking up the next day.

I was dumped by a person I thought loved me during this difficult time.

… and ending with the ups 🙂

I met Chris, the most amazing and bravest man I’d ever met my whole life. He accepts me for who I am, supports me in every decision and… well, he’s proper badass to be honest.

I got a new job as an LSA in an all-boys school, which I love with all my heart and introduced me to new, great friends.

I started this blog, which is doing quite well if I may say so myself.

I realised my family loves me more than anything in the world.

I went to Rome with two friends, and my hero from my favourite show ‘Supernatural’, Jared Padalecki, who himself overcame depression, and also some amazing people. You guys rock!

Me with Jared Padalecki, who also battled depression

I went to Budapest with my sister – only our second bonding trip!

Looking for our third bonding trip sestra!

I took part in the school panto to overcome my stagefright, and boy was it fun!

The amazing Panto team of 2016

I got a C in my secretarial course, thanks to the best teacher, SJ!

Proud moment

What does 2017 have in store for me?

I will be going to London with my BFF, our first bonding trip after 11 years of friendship, where we will be watching Cursed Child.

This girl stood by me through thick and thin for over a decade

I will be celebrating my one-year recovery in March

I will be collaborating with fellow Maltese bloggers (so watch this space!)

∼

So you can probably tell my 2016 was an eventful one, with both good and bad things. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. The bad led to the good, and it helped shape me into a better person.

 

From all this, I can tell 2017 will be a good one 🙂

Happy New Year from me to you 😀 xxx

What I Got For Christmas

Merry belated Crimbo everybody! Hope you had an amazing time with your family and friends like I did! It’s the first Christmas in a long, long time where I am genuinely happy, and my family is one.

But anyways, this post isn’t about that… it’s about all the good stuff I got!

… starting from

Work

So as to avoid spending excessive amounts of money, my class and another (the crew, as I like to call it) decided to go for lunch instead of giving presents. In my opinion, it was a great idea. We got to laugh and chat about life, and it was nice. We went to Palazzo Preca, just a few doors away from where we work. The service was excellent, and so was the food.

From all the students in my class (my cheeky little monkeys, whom I love with all my heart!) gave me vouchers, which I can redeem at a lot of local shops. I appreciated their thought… and being the sensitive person I am, I was almost reduced to tears.

The student I help in class gave me the most beautiful necklace from perfumes&more. He almost gave me a fright when he told me he needed to talk to me outside of class, but when he took out the wrapped box and card, I laughed so hard he thought I had gone cray. The pendant has a twisted thingy with crystals embedded, and the end has a pearl attached to it. I promised him I’d wear it for Christmas Eve… and I did!

BFF

From my BFF, who knows me more than anyone else (sorry, fam and bae), bought me a
Loki Funko POP… and it has a freaking bobble head! Even though it was more than enough, she called the gift a “little something” and promised she’d get me something more special from London. I freaking love her, needless to say!

In-Laws

Even though I haven’t met them in a while, they still managed to amaze me with their gifts, because it was like they knew what I really wanted (ahem… bae… ahem…). I spent Boxing Day morning at his, and we played two PS games, one which I don’t know the name of and Injustice. I actually beat him at Injustice one time… and I’d never touched a PS in my entire existence! I was proud of myself there and then!

His parents gave me this amazing camel wallet from Parfois. And just a day before on Christmas, I was thinking of buying a new wallet from the sales!

His sister gave me a perfume from Zara. It’s called Floral from their Day Collection, and it smells DIVINE. The packaging was lilac, one of my favourite colours after purple and green.

 

Family

First up are my parents! After almost giving me a
positive heart attack with a SINGING DONKEY – yes, you read right… Singing. Donkey. – they gave me a pair of festive socks and money. Thankssss!

Next up are my sestra and boyfriend. They got me four – yes, that’s right… 4. Quattro. Quatre. – presents, starting from the funny one to the one I wanted badly. The funny one is this floating pug plug for the bath. I called him Robert Jr., since the duck plug we bought from London is called Robert Sr..
Second gift I got was a jammy set; the top says Cupcakes for Breakfast (YASSSS), and the pants have lots of hearts on them, and are longer than my legs with my Cookie Monster fuzzy slippers (Fact)!
Third gift is this beautiful heart-shaped, two-storey jewellery storage box, which I will be filling with earrings, rings and pins in the future.
Last but not least, is the MEGA gift, which is a SilverCrest hairdryer. I’d wanted my own (first-hand and not full of sticky tape) hair dryer in forever, and so they got me one.

Bae

Leaving the best for last, as he’d been showering me with gifts – both abstract and concrete – since we first started dating back in March. He first gave me a cute brown dog with blue sparkly eyes, which I named Dean, and then he gave me a rare Beatles LP from Budapest, and several games, namely The Sims 4, Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Wolf Among Us and Hearthstone. And I enjoy playing them, especially with him.

Now for the Crimbo presents…

Part 1 was a game I’d wanted since forever, which is Mortal Kombat X. I’d say ‘Fatality’ every time he fails at something or as a joke, and now I can the game itself!

Second, as he told me, is “something of everyday use”… it turned out to be a mouse pad, with a pug staring hungrily at a crumb of food. Looove it!

Last one was “something of almost every day use”… The result? This beautiful camel crossover bag from Parfois, which matches the wallet I got from his mum.

 

 

You

Yes, you, reading this post down to the end of it, which is this part. You gave me the present of understanding and inspiration to write more and more of these posts. You give me hope and a reason to do what I love doing more than anything else in the whole, wide world, which is writing.

Stay safe this festive season, and I will see you in the next one!